07.06.2006
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Written Diary Tim Metz <tim@outofafrika.org>
Twilight - London Heathrow (UK)
For a number of reasons I feel like being in a dream at the moment. Most importantly I was not supposed to be where I am right now as I ran into some big problems with my visa. The last 48 hours would make a thrilling script for some excellent movie-scenes, but unfortunately I can't disclose any detailed information as it could bring me and other people in trouble. Let's account my departure from Kenya to an "act of God": until this morning I wasn't sure if I would be able to leave the country.
I'm not sure yet whether I'm in a good or a bad dream. One thing is for sure, it's weird. I'm seated at London Heathrow at the same spot where I was sitting 6 months ago. I'm in between two realities again, but now going the other direction. My departure suddenly seems like yesterday and I can't believe that this has all really happened. Nobody is looking at me anymore when I'm walking around. I can "anonymously" look at other people again without them necessarily noticing me. I also feel a little bit afraid of meeting my family and friends again in a couple of hours. I wonder if I'm still sane and normal.
On top of those feelings I'm wondering about this project of course. Did I do the right thing? Should I have done it differently? Does it make any sense? Did I loose the plot somewhere along the way? How are we going to continue this? I guess I shouldn't try to answer those questions right now, maybe within a couple of days when the reality of being home has sunk in.
For me personally I'm already quite sure that things will never be the same again. There have been a lot of moments during the past months where I was trying to imagine and sometimes even wishing that I was sitting where I'm seated now: waiting for my connecting flight home to Amsterdam. But now I'm here there's also another feeling I couldn't anticipate beforehand; the reality of everything and everyone I'm leaving behind in Kenya. So much has happened in the past 6 months that I've never been able to take a moment of reflection on both the wonderfull and sad things that I have been able to experience. It was like being on a fast-paced roller-coaster ride with ups and downs and no way to brake or look back. The 9-hour flight I just had was the first time I could really engage into some serious pondering. Some thoughts made me smile, others nearly cry. I feel in between two worlds at the moment...
This sums it all up for now. I just tried to exchange my leftover Kenyan Shillings.
"Do you take Kenyan Shillings?"
"Yes, certainly. How much have you got sir?"
"1400 Shillings."
Cashier takes a brief look in the computer.
"I'm sorry sir, that would just be enough to cover my commission so that would leave you with nothing."
In Kenya some people can live more than 2 weeks from that money, here "on the other side" it's completely worthless!
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